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Professional Life

The One Reason We Fail At Succeeding: Hint, it’s not your bosses fault!

Tonight, I sat at the table with my son as he wrote his name and traced the dotted names of the rest of the family. His lines were sharp, rigid, and pointed. He then drew a dinosaur. His dinosaur made up of circles of different sizes and held together by two square legs.

I wondered what was going through his four-year-old brain. You could see the concentration in his eyes and the flexing of his jaw with every line he drew. While connecting the dots, he was making noises. “Woop,” as he made the hook on his “J.” “Swoop” as he made the final curve on the “S.” After finishing each letter, he looked at me with such pride. He was so proud of the good work he had done. He was looking for the affirmation in my expression to match that pride, and he found it!

The Realization

I sit here now reflecting on this interaction and realize that as adults and professionals, we rarely have that person to turn to and show our wide-eyed grin too. We even more rarely have that person to turn to and get a grin of affirmation in return. So, while this is what motivated my son to keep going, what keeps us motivated? What makes us want to keep going when our efforts seem to go unnoticed?

Maybe we are still four-year-olds, waiting for the affirmation that we need. For that person to recognize the hard work, we put into our jobs. The sacrifices we make to be there. Anything that would spark that joy that I saw in my four year old’s eyes.

Nearly two years ago I finished my MBA. It may have been the hardest thing I have ever done. Married, a mom of two under two, and a full-time employee to a new job. I had very longs nights and early mornings. It was hard for people understand why I was doing this to myself. Sometimes, I even forgot to be honest.

Find Your Motivation

The reason: I needed it. Not because of a job, even though I hoped to land a dream job. The four-year-old me needed myself to look at her and say “you’re doing great”! I needed to prove to myself that I was more than a statistic of a low-income family. To prove to myself that I would become more than I ever thought I could, and even more than all the others that doubted me thought I would.

This was my motivation the time. However, by the end of it, I was so overwhelmed from defending my reason. I was tired of the strain it had seemed to put on significant relationships. More so, physical exhaustion had taken its toll. I finished one ‘A’ from a 4.0 GPA. After graduation, I had lost my steam and my purpose. I focused on rebuilding the damaged relationships. I gave in to the negative voices I heard all around me.

The Cause and Effect

After two years of graduate school, I can honestly say I have failed to use my degree to its full ability. Eventually, I stopped telling myself that I was doing well and began to believe others when they said it was worthless. A feeling of self-doubt flooded me, and my self-esteem plummeted. I had my Masters but wasn’t good enough to use it. “Anything over bachelors degree was a money trap,” people said. With eighty-two grand in student loans, it is hard to think they are wrong at times.

However, here I am. Finding myself diving back into learning. This time, on the less expensive side!

I am looking into courses on Linkedin. I am also turning to Youtube for “refresher” courses. You can often find courses by college professors on here that are perfect for getting you back into a skill that you may have forgotten. Connecting with co-workers and other professionals for private classes is also an option.

The 1 Reason We Fail to Succeed…

We don’t fail because of the obstacles put in our way. We don’t fail because we have unsupportive family/friends. An unappreciative boss is not the reason either. We are the reason. Our own self-doubting, negative talking selves are the reason we don’t succeed.

We stop investing in ourselves, time or money. If we won’t invest in ourselves, why would anyone else want to? We don’t need a boss to pat us on the back and cheer us on. However, wouldn’t it be nice to have such an invested boss?

Never let anyone make you doubt your capabilities. You set your limits, and only you can lower them! How high are you willing to set them? How much are you willing to motivate yourself to achieve those limits?

Take Action

Start reasurring yourself with positive thoughts and affirmations. We have to believe in our worth, and that we are worth the time, the money, and the sacrifice. You are worth it all, and YOU ARE DOING GREAT! It is easy to turn your ear to the negative, but when you do, you start to believe it. Tune it out and look inside to find your motivation. If you need a face to smile back at you, look in the mirror and smile, dear! That is the best cheerleader you got!

Please share this post, I know that each one of you reading this know someone who is struggling to find their motivation right now. Show by giving them the opportunity to be motivated by reading this!

Like, share, follow and/or subscribe! I would love to stay in contact with you and for you to stay up to date with what is going on here in my nut house!

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Categories
Healthy Living Mom Life Parenting

The One Pep-Talk We all Need!

It’s no secret that parents judge one another. We don’t even mean to and sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing it. Often, the unawareness of our judging brings us to give some unsolicited advice. What if I gave you some unsolicited parenting advice that can be used in all aspects of your life? Well… I am going to, but it is more of a pep-talk!

The Original Thought

There other day I was chatting with a new mom of a three month old. She was telling me that her child has had some issues being fussy and possibly having so reflux issues.

I so badly wanted to blurt out my experiences with these situations with my own children. I wanted to to tell her that we had to give up breastfeeding both kids because they had such bad reflux with it and that it took 3 different formulas to figure out which one was best for our son. In the meantime, he often was worse and I cried when he cried. Most of all, I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to share all of my trial and errors with her to save her the heartache. She never asked for any of that information though.

In fact, she mentioned her own trial and errors and what she was doing to work on these issues. She told me about the advice she had received from others and the pressure she felt. She said she felt like she felt like she was failing her child. The worst thing any non- alcoholic, drug addicted, sex abusing parent could say.


This is what I said to her….

YOU ARE ROCKING IT! YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. SO, DO YOU! YOU DO WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE IS BEST AND DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK.

After this mini pep-talk, I started thinking. “why don’t I ever say this to myself? Why don’t I apply this to other aspects of my life? Where could I?”

So this my friends, is my own self pep-talk. I hope that you can talk something from it as well and and go rock your life!

The Pep-talk

YOU ARE ROCKING IT! YOU ARE GIVING IT ALL YOU HAVE GOT AND MORE!

Marriage

My marriage is a work in progress. Just as it should be. My husband and I have been through our fair share of heartache, we share many joys and plan for more! We are not perfect. Is there a perfect couple though? Don’t ever compare your relationship to someone else’s. You never know what happens when no one is around. Instead, Pray for them.

Know that you are doing everything you can for your relationship. I love spending time with my husband. Therefore, weekend getaways are a high priority for us. We try to do 4 a year. If more become possible, we jump on the chance! I am rocking it. I make sure my husband eats, has a (mostly) clean house, I give him his alone time when I can tell her needs it. He feels loved. We cuddle and watch TV together, and we communicate. Right now, we are doing our best and giving everything we can. We are always looking for new ways to grow closer. For right now, WE ROCK!

Work

I am constantly standing in my own way. Doubting my own ideas, my capabilities, and my desires. I let others opinions of my influence how I see myself and let them determine who I am and what I can do. I know I am rocking it though. Somewhere in all that self doubt, I am still fighting. I strive to better myself. I continue to educate myself and look for opportunities to use my education. Is my “work” limited to my 9-5, anyway? I don’t think so!

Home

My kids not have everything. They may not have seen every signle Disney movie. I know y’all….stop judging! We don’t even have a DVD player or game console! But they know manners. Yes, we are still working on using them, but they know them! My house may not always be spotless, but stop by anytime! We live here and we are happy to share our space with you! Laundry is never “always done”. Whose is? If you say “Me”… you better tell me that you have a laundry service or you are single. Otherwise, SHHH!

At the end of the day, my family eats, we have clean clothes and we are all still alive! So guess what? I ROCKED IT!

If you are like me and you are harder on yourself than most people are on you, then give yourself this pep-talk…Tell yourself, “I ROCKED IT”! You really did. If you have given everything you have, then you are doing great momma! We are all doing our best! No one ever gave us owners manuals for the kids, much less our husbands. All we can do is pray, read our Bibles and thank God everyday that we survived! Next time you are feeling down, make a list of all the things you have done that day, not matter how small the task was. I bet you will have done more than you even thought!

YOU ARE ROCKING IT!