Life is busy, the kids are active and require hours of your attention, the house needs cleaned, dishes need done, but what happens to our marriages? We often set our spouse to the side thinking they will be there when life slows down, when in reality we cannot guarantee that. I want to share 5 ways that you can stay connected with your spouse during the busyness of life.
I love my husband and I love spending time with him. However this time of the year it seems like too many days go in between. On top of his “day job” he also farms. He stays very busy and often times is not home until almost 10 PM. When he is home I am busy with our two kids, cleaning, cooking,blogging, and working on doTerra. We have often come to a point where we felt so disconnected because of life. We hadn’t had time to sit and talk to just the two of us in a week! Knowing that life is never promised, we try to make the effort to stay connected and show that we care. I am sure that we are not the only ones going through life, right? So, here are some ways that we try to stay connected that may work for you all too!
I know that Brain is a cranky, irritable man when he does not eat soon after he wakes up. He wakes up at 4 and leaves the house by 4:30 and making sure he had a healthy breakfast that would keep him fueled for a few hours wasn’t always promising. So I started making his breakfast. I used to meal prep breakfast sandwiches or burritos for him and he really liked those. They were quick and easy too! Then I decided that I really enjoy being up with him and having even a two-minute conversation, so now I make him breakfast sandwiches every morning. Breakfast does not have to be fancy. It could be as easy as pouring cereal into a bowl! Don’t overthink it! Your spouse will really enjoy it and it is a small act of service that lets them know you are thinking about them and care for them. After all, the way to a man’s heart is food, right?
Pray for them
During this time of the year, it is easy for Brian to get run down and worn out. I pray for his strength to keep going, his patience with the kids (let’s be honest, we are all irritable when we are tired), and I pray for his safety. If life is so crazy that you can only get one sentence out to your spouse, tell them you prayed for them. Brian recently stopped and asked if he could pray for me. It was the sweetest thing and it made me so happy. He prayed for me in areas I don’t even pray for because he can see it through another perspective. Praying for your spouse does not have to be complicated either. Just pray that they feel God’s love and comfort. Letting them know you prayed for them shows them that you thought of them and care enough about them to ask for God’s help in caring for them.
Do a task for them
Brain and I have fallen in to pretty set roles with the housework. He mows, takes care of all things outside and does the laundry. I cook, clean, do the grocery shopping, and do the running with the kids. Whenever Brian steps in and cooks dinner for me, it is priceless. Sometimes I just don’t want to cook and then have to clean up. Brain will come in a take the cooking part and it gives me that time to either rest or do something else. Last week I mowed for him. I did this so he could enjoy doing something else, which was farming then going to the lake. I also have done the laundry this week so that he does not have to worry about doing it when he gets home from the farm. These little things may seem to go unnoticed, but they really don’t (especially when it is 4:30 in the morning and their work clothes are dry)! Helping your spouse out should be something we do every day, not just every now and then. When you take on a task they normally do, it takes so much pressure off them!
Plan a date night
My friends tell me that Brian and I have more date nights than any other married couple they know. I love hearing this! I love making time for Brain away from the kids and life. I love focusing my attention on him instead of making sure the kids eat! Having time with your spouse is so important. When we stop making time for them, we stop making time for the health of our relationship. Our marriage comes before our children because they will grow up and leave and then it will just be us! It is important to us to not let ourselves become so disconnected and focused on the kids that we forget how to be a couple. By us making time for each other, we are also showing our kids how to have healthy relationship and to put their loved one as a priority. Date nights do not have to be expensive or elaborate. Go have a cup of coffee, get ice cream, go for a walk, have a picnic, or go out for dinner. Whatever your budget is, there is something you can do that will allow you to spend a few hours alone with your spouse! Try arranging it all and surprising them, there may be some planning involved to make sure the night works for you both, but come on, it will be worth it!
I know this one is out there, but did you know touching someone is a great way to connect with them. Have you ever noticed your doctor comes in and touches your shoulder or that you embrace a friend with a hug? These simple ways of touching someone helps you release tension and build a connection. When we talk about touching our spouse,we can be a bit more intimate with them to connect with them. Often times at dinner, Brian and I will hold hands for a minute or two before or after eating. Hugging and kissing your spouse allows for a moment of just the two of you. Brian and I both enjoy our backs to be rubbed, so we will find time to rub each other’s back. If your spouse likes their feet rubbed, rub their feet! Making an effort to touch your spouse and embrace them is a great way to connect with them and show you still care about them. I know after I had our first child, I was annoyed with being touched. I didn’t want Brain to touch me because I had been holding baby all day and just wanted time to myself, but looking back, Brian was trying to show his love and support by hugging me. When your spouse is trying to connect with touch, don’t push back or reject the offering. Embrace it and the effort given by both of you will help keep the connection you have!
Don’t let the busyness or stresses of everyday life get in the way of having a healthy marriage. There are enough odds against it that we need to make the effort to prove them wrong. Take time and be intentional with your spouse, give them the love and attention they need just like you do your kids. This is something that Brian and I work on and we are not perfect at. The effort is worth it though, we appreciate each other more and that only helps grow our love for one another!
You know all my squirrelly followers and their needs with their relationships. I pray that they put the effort into them and focus on the greatness that you have blessed them with. Help them to get creative as they stay connected with their loved ones!
The Squirrelly Mom